Tools and Nuggets for the Journey
Nuggets are "bite sized" pieces of wisdom, which allow us to experience perceiving familiar things in unfamiliar ways. New perceptions naturally generate new choices!
The Impact of Light on Healthy Change
There are two common light sources that we use to perceive ourselves and others - flashlights and lanterns. The more common is the “flashlight”, a bright, judgmental light that shines in only one direction at a time. Our flashlight can look judgmentally at ourselves or judgmentally at others. We can go back and forth quickly, judging both directions. It is the light source of survival software.
Our flashlight does not illuminate the whole picture, but only a limited part of the picture; even in the direction we are shining it. The light quality of our flashlight shines on what is missing or wrong, what should be there but isn’t, or what shouldn’t be there but is. It shines with a “half-empty” perspective, creating a feeling of frustration at what is wrong. The natural result of using our flashlight is an attitude of defensiveness within ourselves and others.
The other light source that we can use to perceive ourselves and others is the “lantern”, a nonjudgmental light of grace that shines in all directions at the same time, both on ourselves and others. The lantern light has no “double standards”, illuminating the whole picture with the same gentle light for all concerned. The lantern casts a perspective of “valuing” and “respect” on ourselves and others. It shines with a “half-full” perspective, allowing us to enjoy what is, while noticing what we would like to change. The lantern makes healthy change the path of least resistance. It is the light source of "living software". If it is worth doing, it is worth doing with a lantern.
Powerful Vulnerability
Powerful Vulnerability is the perspective/attitude that it is more important to learn and grow than be right. It generates such healthy power to shift from the judgmental flashlight of needing to be right, toward the lantern of openness and desire to be becomng and growing. There really is no need to defend when coming from Powerful Vulnerability. It can never be done perfectly.
Shame, Guilt and Regret
There is a significant difference between these three emotional reactions. Guilt about past events and shame reactions can actually prevent healthy change in the present. Which feeling reactions feel most familiar to you?
Guilt – Can be a healthy, useful signal (conviction) when we are going the “wrong direction” in the present. It is a feeling signal to an action, rather than a statement about self. We need to feel good about noticing guilt in the present, and turn toward a healthy direction, releasing the feelings of guilt. God only wants us to feel guilty as a motivation for change; guilt is not a goal in itself. Guilt about past events or actions, no longer present, tend to transform into shame over time, feeding into anxiety and depression.
Shame -A destructive, condemning judgment about self. It is a feeling and perception of self-rejection and self-hatred. Shame says: “I am bad and wrong.” “It’s just who I am.” “I am a mistake.” “I am a failure.” Shame is a statement of identity rather than a statement about specific actions. Shame is very common in Depression.
Regret - A healthy grieving reaction. It can be experienced as a variety of different feelings that come with experiencing the honest acceptance of past and present events. Acceptance does not mean agree with or like what happened, it is simply a nonjudgmental acknowledging of the present. It says, “I feel badly that this happened and wish things had been different. Regret draws us toward healing and healthiness. If it is a present situation, Regret helps motivate healthy change in the present. If it is a past situation, Regret helps create a desire to learn and grow from that painful past difficulty.
How To Gain Freedom
"Freedom is the willingness to do what we want to do, even when told to do it."
"Freedom is the willingness to accept the consequences of of our choices."
The Question of Identity
Is your identity based on the “rear view mirror” of your life story up until now, or the "windshield" of becoming, as a new creation?" Does your value come from material wealth and accomplishment, or from the person you are becoming, as you interact in this world? I choose to believe that who I am is becoming, as I continue to learn and grow in Him.
The Abundance Paradox
The secret to abundant living is to live each day as if it could be your last, and to live each day as if you were going to live a long, long time. Something amazing happens when you allow yourself to combine what seems like opposite approaches to life. You can learn to be living in the present moment with your lantern, as you experience the adventure of your life unfolding.
Through Your Eyes Lord
“Lord, allow me to see myself and others through Your Eyes,
And to respond to what I see through Your Nature.”
The Serenity Prayer
‘God grant me the serenity to change what I can change;
The freedom to release to You what I can’t change;
And give me a growing wisdom to know the difference.’
